New vitamin cigarettes will add years to your life!
SPODSBJERG, Denmark — A Danish horticulturalist turned cigarette manufacturer has become the toast of European tobacco users by creating the ultimate safe smoke — a healthy cigarette loaded with essential vitamins and nutrients!
One full pack of « Morley » cigarettes smoked within a 24-hour time frame will provide 100 percent of a person’s daily requirement of vitamins A, B, C, D and E, according to the celebrated inventor.
« It is with much pride and joy that I announce the arrival of the world’s first ‘health cigarette,' » says Dr. Dagmar Tekla, CEO of Tekla Tobacco Inc. who also chairs the esteemed Spodsbjerg Horticultural Society.
« For the first time in history, smokers who switch to the Morley brand will outlive conventional cigarette smokers and non-smokers by several decades. »
Dr. Tekla’s miraculous creation came about when he began soaking tobacco seeds in a liquefied vitamin compound for several weeks before planting them; hoping for a larger, more robust crop. The result was a hybrid strain rich in vitamins and minerals previously unknown to conventional tobaccos.
« When the first cigarettes rolled off the line, our test smokers swore that after a few puffs, they began to feel energized and refreshed. We sent a sample to our on-site laboratory and sure enough, it was loaded with every good thing that one could ever hope to put into their body. »
To further bolster Morley’s claim that it has smokers’ best interests in mind, the cigarettes are manufactured nicotine-free.
« People should smoke Morley because they want to, not because they have to, » says Dr. Tekla. « For this reason, the highly addictive nicotine has been removed from the Morley brand. »
Lyle Bennett, a Brisbane, Australia boat builder whose rectal cancer was miraculously cured by cigarette smoking — as reported in the August 20, 2007 – has permanently switched to Morley, and encourages others to do the same.
« When I smoke Morley, I know that my body is receiving 100 percent of the essential vitamins and minerals I need to live a long, healthy life, » beams Bennett.
« Morley will ensure my longevity. What more could a smoker ask for? »
Morley cigarettes are available in regular, menthol and lights, and are currently being test-marketed in Europe and Australia on a limited basis.
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